A Day of Thoughts...

Valentines, yes we all know what that is... lol... love.

I sit here thinking back 33 years, it was about 6 p.m. I think, and my phone rang... that was back in the days of landlines and cords, and rings, not music announcing a call. Oh, back to the memory, it was Glenn, he had just gotten off of work and wanted to know if I was going to be home, I said that I was. He then asked if he could come over, I said yes. 

I wasn't necessarily expecting him to call, we had been dating off and on for a while, but nothing specific. So when he called I was happy, made a mad dash to the store for some sort of Valentine and figured he'd get there and we'd go do something... well I was unprepared for what happened, lol. When he arrived, he had a bouquet of flowers for me, and in them was a card that asked a seemingly simple question, "Will you be my steady Valentine?" 

Well you know what I said? Nothing... then I said, "I'll be right back." LOL... I look back- what a dork I was! (still am?) Well I went to the other room and shoved the card at my mom, somewhat in shock. Then in a brilliant moment <NOT> I said, can I answer later? He being the patient guy he is and has always been, said "Yes," don't think he thought it would take me a month to answer, but at least I said yes eventually. 

I think the card I gave him that night was a warning to him what he was getting into, I can't remember what it said but I remember this... it was a puzzle that had to be put together to read.

Then in December of 1981 we made that "steady" really permanent. We were young, in love and happy to be wed. 

This evening Glenn looked at me and told me he loved me, this isn't unusual, it's been a steady part of our relationship since very early, we remember to say, I Love You on a regular basis. It's what he said after that touched me. 

Here he is, 11 months (today) in this battle against cancer, and he looks at me and says, "I'm sorry for putting you through this." I walked over to him and curled up next to him and reminded him, that I agreed to it a long time ago on a December day... 

Very few people speak their vows on their wedding day and really think about the depth of them-- Yeah you think of better or worse; cuz you know their will be up and downs. You realize the part of for richer or poorer... not to many of us never have any financial stresses. But somehow, the one, "in sickness and in health," well you just don't think about. It, however, is another part of those vows-- and it, is when you really understand what it is to love and care about someone else.

I can wish I could wave  a magic want and 'boom!" cancer would be gone... but I can't. But what I can do is show my husband how much I love him by standing shoulder to shoulder with him in this fight. I will do my best to be what I am called to be- his helpmate suitable. I pray with him, and for him, I stand firm on the promises of the Lord, and I look forward to future Valentine's Days where we celebrate the day he asked me, to become we.

Today ,we enjoyed a lunch at Angelos and talked of that day so long ago... you know, I really am glad I said yes. He's an amazing husband, and man of God. To say that I love him, well that is an understatement; but I don't know how else to say the depth of my feelings for the incredible gift that God gave me when he brought Glenn into my life.

Happy Valentine's Day!!

The Battle is the Lords

Proverbs 3:5-8 Trust in the Lord with all your heart And lean not on your own understanding In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct your paths. Do not be wise in your own eyes Fear the Lord and depart from evil. It will be health to your flesh, And strength to your bones.

Psalms 46:10-11 Be still, and know that I am God I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth! The LORD of hosts is with us; The God of Jacob is our refuge.

This last year the segment from Proverbs has taken on, how do I say this... an expanded meaning in our lives. While I have always understood the obvious part, we are really pressing to a new level, looking for, and seeing the promise of the last sentence... health to your flesh, and strength to your bones. 

Since this battle started almost 11 months ago, we have grown to press further when seeking the Lord's direction in all things. It was the Lord who directed us in the course of treatment in the cancer battle, He gave us on day 1, the three fold cord that we were to follow; 

• Spiritual; Pressing, praying for us and others, sharing what He is doing
• Medical; Staying here, doing chemo and trusting Him (the Lord) to have Glenn's back against the side effects. And we can say they have been minimal, especially for the intensity of the treatment that they have him on.
• Nutritional; This is a big on, and it most certainly had it's bumpy start- Glenn was so sick last year that he could barely eat, and that caused a negative cycle. It was a circle, he wasn't hungry, so he wouldn't eat much, that reduced what appetite he had, and that made him less hungry... And as I shared in one of the early entries of this blog, the realization hit-- he was starving himself to death... however because the Lord helped us see this, and gave us the path back to a healthy weight and appetite. This way he had the strength he needed for the battle. Recently, we have begun the next shift in this area, it involves a lot of study, (following God's lead) and shifts in the eating. For the 6 months from July to Jan. we were looking primarily on getting his weight up, and stable, we have reached that, he is pretty much stabilized at about 200 pounds and now we are shifting from just thinking about calorie intake, to a more healthy diet, one that will focus on creating an environment that will be good for Glenn and bad for the cancer. Again it is God's leading.

We know that ultimately the battle is the Lord's, we are trying as a team to do what He would have us to do, to obtain the victory in the natural that He has shown us in the spiritual.

We have an amazing group of people around us that I cannot thank enough- the support and prayers through the battle have definitely helped us in this fight, they are a part of the spiritual strand of that cord.

There are many times during the last 11 months that doing what is spoken in Psalms 46 has been so important to remember... To be still and know that He is God, and He is our refuge. I lean heavily on this thought at those times when the battle rages on in my thoughts, I know who is in charge, and I remind the enemy of that... I am very thankful that I have the Lord to press into when I am weak-- in Him is my strength.

I've love the song, The Warrior is a Child, since the first time I heard it. If you've never heard it, here are the lyrics and a youtube video:

Lately I've been winning battles left to right
But even winners can get wounded in the fight
People say that I'm amazing
I'm strong beyond my years
But they don't see inside of me
I'm hiding all the tears

[CHORUS]
They don't know
That I come running home when I fall down
They don't know
Who picks me up when no one is around
I drop my sword and cry for just a while
Cuz deep inside this armor
The warrior is a child

Unafraid because his armor is the best
But even soldiers need a quiet place to rest
People say that I'm amazing
I never face retreat
But they don't see the enemies
That lay me at his feet 

[CHORUS]
They don't know
That I come running home when I fall down
They don't know
Who picks me up when no one is around
I drop my sword and cry for just a while
Cuz deep inside this armor
The warrior is a child

They don't know
That I come running home when I fall down
They don't know
Who picks me up when no one is around
I drop my sword and look up for a smile
Cuz deep inside this armor (deep inside)
Deep inside this armor
Deep inside this armor
The warrior is a child (chorus)