Reflections on Growth and Life

This morning, is one of reflection, as it is almost 13 full years since Glenn went home to the Lord. The journey has had it's share of challenges, ups and downs and amazing guidance and provision from the Lord. It's been a journey of growth and self realization. As I look back at my life and try to figure out when I made the changes in my Spiritual walk that brought me to my present, I ponder: What has brought me to where I am today? What continues to drive me to the future that the Lord has for me?  

This is a picture I took while on a cruise that the Lord let me take, it is a sound in New Zealand, in it's own way, it makes me think of my journey. 

When sailing into the sound the entrance was wide, but the passage, comparatively narrow. You can't see all the way in, only the section you are in, life is like that. You begin in a wide place and you journey through the days, months and years only seeing the segment you are in. Yes you have the memories of where you have been, but only an idea or where you are headed.

The direction of my thoughts today took me to the beginning of my actual walk with the Lord. I went to regular church services, I attended small group gatherings, ladies events, special meetings and even taught in Children's Church, not to mention listening to a lot of praise and worship music. I was in the boat, going the right direction, but not seeing the details. I was on my journey, I thought I was doing good, and as I look back, I was... but I know now, that there was so much more I could have, and honestly should have been doing. I am thankful that I had allowed the Lord to set HIS hook in my jaw as it were, that way He could guide me.

Over the years, I continued to get more of the Word in me on a consistent manner. I began to listen to it daily, and that increased and grew over time an I began to listen to it almost like I used to listen to the radio. I wasn't always listening with intent, but like with music, when you hear it, again and again, you 'learn the lyrics'.  This was putting a fresh foundation in me, that I didn't realize the depth of at the time, but as we are told in Psalms 119:11 Your word I have hidden in my heart, That I might not sin against You. It was building that foundation, step by step. I am thankful to belong to a church that for decades has challenged it's members, to read the Bible through every year, so that they are laying a solid foundation in their life.

Foundations are critical in your life, they are there to keep things stable in turbulent times. The Biblical demonstration of this is the Parable of building on sand or rock. The choice is ours, are we going to build on the Rock of Christ Jesus or the sands of man's ways and opinions. I am thankful I chose to build on the Rock. I made that choice the day I truly allowed Jesus to be my LORD and Savior, not just my Savior... there is a difference. Lordship is truly allowing the Lord to lead you... leaning fully into Proverbs 3:5-6 Trust in the Lord with all your heart, lean not to your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct your paths. 

I know that making that choice years ago has given me the source of navigation in my life and for this last 13 years especially. He is the rudder in my life as well as the wind in my sails. The rudder is not always seen, but it sets the direction for the journey. I know I will never regret that decision.

Does this mean I never have a bad day, no. Does it mean that I never question myself, no. What it means is, that I try to remember, to always lean into Him when making the big decision. It also means trying to live a life aligned with His Word, the Bible.  (I love this acronym: BIBLE - Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth

As I reflect on all of this, I know for certain, allowing Him to lead me has brought me more blessings than I can count! He is faithful and you can full trust in Him!!

Have a Blessed Day!

Fantastic Fall

I love fall!!

Everyone has their favorite season... for most it's probably spring or summer... for some it's winter, but as for me- I love the fall!

I enjoy the other seasons (for the most part) but I feel rejuvenated in the fall. Weird, I know. I just can't help myself, as the Lord begins to wave His paintbrush over the landscape my heart leaps. There is nothing that can match those colors, seriously!

God made each season unique, and to me the fall is the culmination of things.

Winter is the time of rest in many ways, most of the plants go dormant, the weather does it's best to keep us indoors. The daylight is less, we tend to be more willing to take time to be quiet... yes, like nature we know it's a season of rest.

Spring is a season of rejuvenation, new life is blossoming around us, it is a time to plant. Whether that is in the natural and we are preparing to plant our garden, or seeking the Lord to plant new dreams in our heart.

Summer comes with the warmth of the sun and longer hours of daylight, and this gives us time to play and allows the plants to grow.

Then comes fall and with it the wonder of the harvest... something that began months before with the turning of soil and planting of the seeds is now bursting for with produce.

I am reminded in this season that we also go through seasons, though they may not always align with the season of nature we are in at the time.

In my personal life I have seen seasons of winter, with it's darkness and sense of loss, I have gone through seasons of spring with new life and optimism... prayers of new dreams for my life.

Then comes a summer season... a time to rejoice in the beauty around us, maybe a trip to the coast to watch the ocean and ponder the power of the Lord. It is a time to allow the dreams that the Lord has put in our hearts to grow. To trust that, if He gave us the dream, He will bring it to pass.

But the best time of all, the one that is so exciting to come into, a fall season!! Sometimes we know when these are coming- maybe it's the completion of a project we have been working on. But sometimes, and these are the best, are those times of dream harvest... That moment that the Lord brings into being those dreams He gave us in that "spring" however long ago it was that we got the dream.

So back to the physical fall outside, yes, I love the colors, the sounds and smell of this time of year, what I really love is that I see it as the Lord's reminder that He will bring my life into it's season of harvest in His timing. And His timing is always best!

Reflections...

When we think of a reflection, we think of looking in a mirror, or maybe on still water and seeing a copy of the item in front of it. Or maybe we think of it as taking a moment to think about something in greater depth.

This morning as I was wandering through Facebook-land, I saw a post by my nephew, he was reflecting back to when he was 15 and his mom had passed to breast cancer. She was only 38 when she died.-- My husband was only 52 when he passed, yet my dad was 93.

It again made me reflect on the briefness of life. Life is so short, no matter how long our life is, it is still just a blip on the grand scale of things. It is how we use our lives that determines our impact here on earth. 

As I reflect on those I have known over the years, and the lives they led I find myself reflecting on my own life. I want to live a life, that when I am gone, has left a positive impact on those around me.

For my children I want them to go further and do more than I have done... I think this is something that I think all parents want for their children. I want my children to have watched me, make the choice to follow the Lord first and above all other things, and have faith in Him. I want them to have memories of the funny times and the more serious moments where we came together, trusting the Lord and seen His hand move on our behalf.

I want to be a person of integrity, someone who is a friend that adds something, anything, positive to the lives of those around me. I want to be a person that is trustworthy because of the Lord in my life, I choose to pray for others because I know the power of the Lord in my life and I want to see it in others, I want them to know who HE is. I want to reflect the love of God, I want to see others as He see them. 

Am I there yet... no. Am I trying, yes. 

To become the woman that the Lord wants me to become, means taking that look at who I am, and being willing to let Him adjust me. It means doing the hard thing at times, and sharing that side of me that I prefer to keep hidden, with someone that I trust. This in itself can be a challenge, because people can, and will fail us, but it's because of my faith in God that I must push past the desire to close myself off. Because, if I allow myself to withdraw from people and things, then I become ineffective in what He wants me to do.

We were not placed on this earth to live life alone, we were designed to live in community with others. So press in, live, love and laugh with others; create memories, live a life worthy of the gift that it is. 

As for me, I want to live my life so that when I look in the mirror I can see me the way that God sees me. I am His child, and I want to be a good reflection of Him.

Blessings!!

Mary

Easter Blessings

The Joy of Easter and Family!

Easter is probably my favorite holiday, don't get me wrong, I love Christmas, Thanksgiving, and the 4th of July. But Easter is, to me, the best of them all. It is the celebration of the risen Lord, Jesus the Christ.

It was on what we call, Good Friday, that Jesus was Crucified, and put to death in one of the most painful ways possible. But on the 3rd day, the day we celebrate with Easter, Jesus rose from the dead!! He conquered death and through that victory His shed blood on the cross made available to us, the gift of eternal life!! And that is why it is my favorite! (For more on the gift of Salvation, take the link to "Meet My Best Friend.")

Ah brothers!

For my family, Easter is also a time to get together and have fun! In our family, since the weather was co-operating this year that meant a BBQ and yes, egg hunting! Our family, extended family means aunts and uncles and cousins... a group that loves getting together and hanging out!!  My children and I first had a stop at my daughter's house and a bit of time with just us before going over to join the rest of the family in Grants Pass.

I had a heck of a time getting a photo of my kids, for some reason I managed to continuously get pictures of them with someone closing their eyes... that's the reason for the exaggerated eyes photo. LOL, I really was laughing so hard that I had tears in my eyes at one point.

My daughter taking a sibling selfie.

My four blessings.

This year, at the full family BBQ  we were blessed to have 4 generations represented, my kids, my sister-in-law's kids and all their kids as well as my in-laws. The youngest generation refers to the generation above them as Aunts and Uncles, they decided to do this since my kids and their cousins are almost as close as siblings. And that is another blessing, it is a relationship that has come about by many holidays spent together.

This year was especially dear to my heart... it was the first time in over a year that all 4 of my kids and their families were all here with me at the same time. One of my sons is in the Air Force and the other moved out of state a year ago. So this was a joyous occasion indeed... and one I took advantage of, I made sure to get a picture of all of us, it is the first, full family photo since the February before my husband passed, that was 6 years ago in 2013. 

It is so very important to enjoy time with the ones you love, in the grand scheme of things, life is short. So make the most of it!! Gather together, play games, talk, laugh, have fun, and make memories!!

Time to hunt!!

Seek and Gather!

The parents hid the eggs and then the kids were set loose to find them! The littlest of the girls got a little bit of help but for the most part, none was required, they knew their mission! Nothing quite like the joy on a child's face and the sheer excitement of everything.


My hope and prayer for all of you is that you may enjoy your family as I enjoy mine and that you create memories to last you all for years to come!!

Dreams, Good-bye's and 2019 Ahead

Proverbs 3 moments -

Prov 3:5-6 ​​Trust in the LORD with all your heart, ​​And lean not on your own understanding; ​​In all your ways acknowledge Him, ​​And He shall direct your paths.

Christmas is over, and the family has gone home, the paper is waiting to go into the trash can when it becomes empty again, my heart is full and I am blessed!!

What a year 2018 has been!! It has been a year of highs and lows and again bringing changes ahead. 

The year ahead was to bring a variety of things, the one I knew was coming was a trip I had dreamed about since I was a child. I also knew it was likely that at some point I would say my last good-bye to my dad... other than that, I had little thoughts on what the year would bring.

My dad was ready to go, he had made peace with the Lord, and since my stepmom Carol had passed in April of 2017 he had told me then that he was ready to go anytime the Lord saw fit. He promised me at that time that he wouldn't do anything to shorten his time here, but he wouldn't do anything to extend it either.

In February, I got a call- it looked like my 92 year old dad was passing, I got on the phone to my siblings, made some hotel reservations and headed north to Vancouver, WA. I arrived, and within a couple days all 4 of my brothers along with some of their kids and all of my children and grandchildren had made it there to let my dad know they loved him and say their good-byes. Each of us had time to spend with him one on one, as well as surround him with the craziness that is our family when all together in a small space. It was a bit overwhelming for him at times, but he loved it. When it got to be a bit much, he would just sit back and enjoy the chaos. With his hearing he couldn't really follow it all, but he told me it made him happy just to see us all together.

It was a fun time, with dad sharing stories and also a healing time for my dad, emotionally, he was able to release some spiritual baggage that had been building up for years... forgiveness is an amazing thing. He did some rebounding that weekend though he was started on hospice, we knew the end was coming, but at least not that February weekend.

Over the next few weeks I made sure to call him between 3 & 7 times a week, we would talk of many things, and almost always the conversation would end with me saying I would call in the next day or 2 and he would finish by saying something like... "yep, I suppose I'll still be here." His humor coming through... he was tired but always liked it when I would call, he would also let me know if any of my brothers had called. 

About mid-March I let dad know I would be coming up and we would have a StarWars weekend, in our family we are all StarWars fans and I told him that we would make sure that he was all caught up, because if he was still around when the new one came out, I was going to come up and take him.  Well this was a goal for him I guess, since I drove up on a Saturday after work and then on Sunday, my youngest son and I spent the afternoon with dad watching movies. I will cherish that afternoon. I saw something that day that told me that dad would be leaving soon, so the next day when I was leaving town I wasn't surprised when I got the call that dad had less than 72 hours left. I knew it would be that day, and it was. Yes, I was sad, and I miss my dad, but I know he had lived a long life, and he told me that he had accepted Jesus as his Savior many years before-- so I was/am at peace with his passing.

The time between his passing and the memorial at the end of June presented me with many emotional/physical and fiscal challenges, however the Lord got me through all of them. Family was so important in the physical side, stepping up to help me move the last bits of my dad's stuff by the deadline that was set before me. -- I will be ever thankful to them, Jacob, Jake, Russ and Debbie, thank you so much!!

Moving forward, the summer was busy with work and a fast trip to the coast to connect with the family for a couple days of the annual camp out, always fun!! This trip is an annual event with family coming in from all around the country, a time to hang out, and have fun, just playing... all ages, together.

I wasn't there for the whole time but it was a lot of fun to see the kids working together building a dam on the beach. Family games like Pctionary, and a variety of others... of course there were many marshmallows to be roasted and snacks to be consumed, it was a great time!

The coast was a great break from the smoke that had consumed the valley during the summer. I just wish the ocean were a bit closer, though 2 hours isn't bad.

During the summer I traded in my little red car and got a car that is a bit bigger, I like it! 

As the summer progressed, I was busy prepping for the trip that I was going to be going on in the fall. October was to bring a trip with my Sister-in-law, Teresa.  We planned parts of our adventure, knowing some things that we really wanted to do, planning much, but not all things-- you have to leave some flex room in life, lol! This meant some coffee and meal dates to plan our adventures.

...We were headed to Australia and New Zealand. So much excitement, and after over a year in the planning, we took off for our adventure on Oct 24, 2018, landing on the other side of the world at about 7:30 a.m. on Oct 26. 

Flying to Australia and then cruising to New Zealand was an adventure!! It was so amazing explore Sydney and to see in person things I had only seen on TV or in movies... we only had a couple days in Sydney and it made me want to go back some day. After a couple days we got on the cruise ship and headed for New Zealand, and during the trip we were blessed to explore small parts of New Zealand, and again be left for a craving for more of the country. -- More about the full trip will be left for another blog, when I get through the more than 1200 pictures, lol.

Coming home from the trip meant returning to my job and life, and that's okay too, I had many of my regulars at the restaurant that were excited for me and wanted to hear how the trip went. I got to share the joy of my adventure with them.

However, arriving home meant finding out that I had another change coming in my life, the job that I had come to love over the last 4 years was going away. The final days of that job I found myself in tears more than once. It's not often you work a job that you truly love, a job you look forward to going to each day.

I found myself having to look for work again, I have found a job, though not likely to be the one I will be in for the long term. And I am once again in a more obvious faith walk moment, much like I was in when Glenn passed. Life is always a faith walk, but when I (or anyone for that matter) find myself in a position to have to trust God in a level that others can see, we are in a, "rubber meets the road," moment. Do we believe what we say or is it just words.

In my life, I want to live a life of faith, and that means being ready to let go, and let God. It means that I need to be willing to trust the Lord each day for provision in all things. It means being thankful in all things, accepting that He is in charge. It doesn't mean I don't have any moments of fear, or sadness, because I most certainly do. But ultimately it means that I have decided to trust my life into the Lord's hands. 

So in looking forward to 2019, I am curious as to what lies ahead in my life, but I have decided that I will continue to trust in the Lord, I know that if I want to grow closer to Him, then trials like this will inevitably be a part of my life, and I am okay with that.

May the Lord bless you with an amazing 2019!!

Thanksgiving Thoughts

Thanksgiving is here once again, and though we learned in school that it was the celebration by the pilgrims celebrating the arrival, harvest and first year in the "New World" giving thanks to God.

I try to make sure that thanks to the Lord is on the top of my every day list, not just Thanksgiving day.

What it has become is a day of family, and you know, that's not bad. Family is something to be thankful for.

It is the number one traveled time of year, people looking 'homeward' where ever that may be. Gathering with parents, siblings, extended family-- the laughter of children of all ages!

I was blessed to be among about 23 family members today, covering 3 generations, a group that gets together for it's own brand of family fun and insanity each year, and I am thankful that they are mine.

Traditions like who gets the first deviled egg make it fun.


This is a time of year that stirs memories for many, I know it does for me... memories of many childhood Thanksgivings filled with my watching the parade on TV, then my Dad, Granddad and Uncle taking us kids to breakfast so 'the ladies' could get the food in the oven and most of the prep out of the way. And if the weather permitted, football in the yard with kids from the neighborhood until it was feast time.

Memories of my children small and us eating our cinnamon rolls in the morning, out of the oven they came and in went the turkey when we would host the family. Memories of so many happy times. Those memories are especially cherished now that some of those that were with us, are no longer here.

Take time this holiday season to make some memories, those around you will not always be there. Love them while you can, enjoy, appreciate and laugh with them!!

Keep the feeling of thankfulness in your heart all year, an attitude of gratitude makes life so much better.

Happy Thanksgiving and a very Merry Christmas season!!!

                                                    Mary

A.K.A Prairiemouse

Childlike Faith

This morning at during worship service at church I observed a small child, just doing what they do. She would leave the security of her parents arms, and bounce and clap with the music, then she would wander, just a bit, look back, and return to that safety spot, close to their side. As parents, we want to see our children gain the boldness and confidence to move out from that tight spot in our arms, or close to our side, knowing that we are there for guidance and comfort when needed. The reason- this is how they grow to eventually become independent adults, and move forth into their own lives.

And as I watched her it got me thinking; I want to be like that, not afraid to step out, yet all the time, knowing that I am safe with in view and reach of my Heavenly Father. God is ever present, His eye is always on His children. When we need Him, all we have to do is to run to Him.

I know, I have those times that that I just want to stay there, in the security of His arms. And when I need this, He is there for that... but He is also there to encourage me to step out, moving into all the things that He has called me to do. 

That is what I am trying to do that with my life, I want to follow His lead and walk the path He has set out for me to walk. I want to do all that He has called me to do, and this means that I will have plenty of moments that I need to step out in Faith, knowing that He is always there for me to run to, because He is close at hand. I want to always keep moving forward, but to do this, I must keep my  heart on Him and my eyes and looking closely at Him.

His grace is so amazing, He sent His Son, Jesus, to give His life for me. Through my act of receiving Jesus as my Lord and Savior, I became a child of God, through the spirit of adoption. And as such I have the full blessings as a member of the family... 

So, I guess what I'm saying is that I want that Childlike Faith, and the confidence that comes with it.

Blessings!

Prairiemouse

A.K.A - Mary

The Trip No One Looks Forward To, But....

When we take a trip, it's something that we usually look forward to, or are at least excited about. Last week, however, I took a trip that no one looks forward to. It's a trip that you may simultaneously want to take and not want to take... but you never look forward to it.

The reason you don't look forward to it, is because it's the journey of the last good-bye.

How do I share all the things going through my heart and head... I knew it was coming, but I kept hoping that it wouldn't. It isn't that I haven't had time to prepare, I have had nearly 10 months, if I am honest with myself.

It was 10 months ago that my stepmom passed away, and at that point my dad felt that his job was complete and he was ready to go, anytime God was ready to take him. I know this, because he told me it at that time. I am the eternal optimist, and I wanted to think he would change his mind and that he would decide to try to gain strength. But at 91 years old he had made up his mind. He wasn't going to do anything to shorten his time, but he wasn't going to try to extend it, even though he knew if he exercised he could get stronger.

Let me share a bit of background--

I love my dad, and he has shared with me many times that he has felt doubly blessed in life. First, he was married to my mom for 40 years... the last 3 were spent watching over her as the demon of Alzheimer's stripped her to a mere shell of the amazing mom that I remember. He did his best to juggle taking care of her and running the small sewing machine store that was to be their retirement business (they had moved from my childhood home to Longview, WA just a few short years before she was diagnosed). Finally the disease had progressed far enough that she had to be moved to a nursing home... During her time there, my dad went and spent time with her everyday. On those rare occasions that he couldn't go, he saw to it that one of their friends could. Yes, he took care to make sure she had someone near that loved her. She went home to the Lord in 1994.

Forward 6 years, he meets Carol, an amazing woman, very different than my mom but such a perfect match for him. She literally saved his life during their courtship period by getting him to the ER where they gave him an IV of Antibiotic... if she hadn't taken him to the ER, then we would have lost him in about 20 years ago... instead, he was blessed with a 2nd marriage to a wonderful lady that I loved very much. We used to tease that it was an "online romance," they had 'met' online, in a Lion's chatroom. Though they did have real-life friends in common. They were married on a January day, and it brought a smile to my heart that my dad had found love again. (I pray that I am so blessed.) I was also blessed with a big sister through this union, and what a blessing she has been!!

During their marriage they traveled and lived, life together, They cared for each other, and when one was ill the other stepped up, including 3 years ago when my dad began to bleed internally and had to be resuscitated. - He woke up and thought, "Why is this guy beating me up?" He recovered from that and got better. When Carol began to grow more frail, I watched my dad, once again go into the mode of protector. He knew that the Lord was keeping him around to take care of her.

Now forward to the present... Once Carol had passed he then felt his job was done. Now he is ready to go, the same thing that almost took him 3 years ago, now has happened again, he is bleeding internally... this time he isn't worried about being here to take care of anyone. His only thought when I spoke to him 10 days ago was to let us know; If any of us wanted to see him, sooner would be better than later. This gave me my directive... make it happen!!

I had been planning on going up at the end of the month, but I then knew I needed to move my trip up sooner, or not be able to say good-bye to my dad. I also then began to do what I could to reach my 4 brothers. At the time of reaching out to everyone, they were spread over 3 states. My dad lives in WA and 2 brothers live in OR as do I, one brother was in AZ and one in AK. But I am so glad to say that they made it, everyone got there to say good-bye and spend some time with him. In addition, 6 of his  grandchildren and 5 of his great-grandchildren made it also. For the first time since the loss of our mother 24 years ago, all 5 of us were in the same place at the same time. My dad was so happy!! 

Even though he was tired during the time we were visiting, he was so happy to see everyone, he shared stories, and got a bit of one-on-one time with everyone. At times he was just simply happy to have everyone there and talking together. It was, a happy, crazy, loud, and sad time... and I wouldn't trade the ability to have that gathering for anything.

Yes, it was the trip that no one looks forward to, but they are happy that they make it. At least I am happy that I did.

I am now calling my dad everyday now, he sounds weaker by the day, and I know that, one day, very soon, he won't be there to answer. Until then, I will look forward to the sound of his voice one more time. 

When it's all over, I will have my memories of him. He was the man that taught me what love and respect were, and showed me the kind of man I wanted to marry, and I did. He demonstrated a life of service that I have tried to show my children. He and my mother, took us to church my whole childhood, a place where I first began to love God. As an adult, I no longer attend that church of my childhood, but church and the Lord are a major part of my life... It is the Lord first and everything else after that.

My parting thought here, you we need show those that you love how much you care when you can. And above all else, if you have a chance to do it... make "That trip."

Blessings!

Prairiemouse....

A.K.A Mary

Created By the Past, Not Ruled By It

2 Corinthians 5:17 Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new.

In doing some reflecting lately I began to think about a saying I have heard, and have repeated at times. That saying: We are the sum total of our life experiences.  This is a true statement, however, we need to look beyond this statement to the future.

Some people continue forward in life and want to shift all responsibility for their decisions and actions to everything that took place in their past... I don't accept this.  Sadly society has accepted this, and even encouraged it, unintentionally I would hope. When people refuse to accept that they are responsible for their actions, and not all the events of the past, then they can move forward.

We all have those defining moments, or even series of events that we can allow to dictate everything that we do in life. Almost 4 years ago I lost the man that I loved since high school, he was part of my life for over 30 years. At that moment I had 2 choices, I could let his death put me into a "why me" cycle or I could make the choice to move forward and continue to live. That's what I did, I chose to move forward from the depth of a broken heart and walk forward into the future.

What that future is, I still don't know, but that's okay. What I do know, is that just like in years past, when something hurt me or angered me, as I chose to release it I would then able to move on to something good. Rom 8:28 tells me: "And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose." And that's what I have chosen to trust in. 

There is nothing positive to be found by blaming things on events, people or situations in the past or allowing them to birth bitterness in our hearts.

Pro 15:13 A merry heart makes a cheerful countenance,But by sorrow of the heart the spirit is broken.

Pro 17:22 A merry heart does good, like medicine,But a broken spirit dries the bones.

Luke 6:45 says “A good man out of the good treasure of his heart brings forth good; and an evil man out of the evil treasure of his heart brings forth evil. For out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks."

I want to have a joyful heart, so I chose to release the past and let the Lord fill my heart with His goodness. I want to speak life!! 

Be Blessed!!

                           Mary... a.k.a Prairiemouse

Life's Moments and Snow Storm Reflections.

Right at this moment I am sitting in a hotel room, instead of at home where I really want to be. But things like this happen at times... the trick is learning to respond rather than react to them... If I am honest, today was a bit of both. I was calm and practical in my response, but I then found out that if I had done, what Glenn and I would have done when it was the two of us, that I would actually probably be there right now.... and that moment evoked a short term attitude reaction.

Now I am sitting somewhere where I am forced to be alone with myself, and my thoughts... no friends, or family to distract me, yes, there is Facebook, but that's not the same as being close enough to others that you know that you can physically get together if you need or want to.

The reason I am here? Snow storms... they have been hitting off and on all up and down I-5, and due to a closure of the freeway, that the troopers said would be 3-6 hours, I made the decision to stay in a hotel rather than wait and chance driving a potentially icy mountain pass. This was the practical response... then I found out that the closure only ended up being about an hour and a half long. Of course by then I had already checked in, and I was frustrated with myself for not having waited longer and trying to press through, that's what would have been what Glenn and I together would have done... but then again, he's not here, it's just me.

This adventure started a couple days ago when I made a decision to take a short unplanned trip to see my dad and stepmom. They are in their 90's and she is in the hospital, it was important to me to go and see them. The: "love them while they are still here," theory completely dominates me at times... probably more so since Glenn's passing, and when you are talking parents... you need to cherish them when you have them. I still can't believe that it's been nearly 23 years since my mother passed. Life is short, value those you love.

Because of this love, I took the chance and made a trip knowing the weather forecast for the weekend, I had great roads north and of course that put me in a good mood, in spite of the circumstances for the trip. Admittedly it's still weird to check into a hotel by myself, and I knew that there was the chance of an extra night by myself, but I didn't think it would happen. Yes, I was alone up there, but it was just the evening when I got there and the next day in the evening when I left the hospital... kind of like the time frame when you get home from work... but this, sitting in a hotel room, in a little town with no reason to be here and a lot of hours... not what I like.  I didn't really want to sit and watch TV, I also didn't just want to lurk on Facebook for endless hours.

So getting past my whining, some of which did end up on my Facebook page, I have taken a part of this time to look at myself, I realize that I need to learn better how to be by myself when I am far from my 'world,' I am taking part of this time to be transparent about the newest discovery that I have made since becoming the single me again. I honestly never had to face 'alone stuff,' until Glenn passed, because I went directly from my parents home, to my husbands and my home... No living alone, not even living in a college dorm. So it's all been a learning curve, and I feel I've done pretty good, but this... the silence, I really don't like it.

I have always been a verbal processer, when I am stressed, upset, worried, or happy I have always processed my feelings by talking... I was blessed with a husband that would talk with me, we always had the ability to have conversation... I remember once we missed a turn on the way home from Reno and ended up going 30 miles before we realized because we were just chatting. I still process out loud, I talk to myself and the Lord while I am in my car... A LOT! But it's not the same, this is the area I have had the most difficulty in adjusting to, and today I got smacked hard in the face with it.

I am really trying to enjoy my true alone time, really enjoy it, not just look for stuff to do to keep myself occupied until it's time to sleep... it's a process, but the realization is there, I learned some today about myself, and if I take the time, I will learn more and be able to rest more in the Lord during those moments.

Happy 2017 Everyone!!

Be Blessed!

PrairieMouse (a.k.a. Mary)

What They Did and Didn't Do....

Pondering today-- what are the motives behind the things we do in life.

The topic at church lately is "Wise Does." Doing wise things in the eyes of the Lord is always the right choice. 

Every day of our life we make choices, from the moment we open our eyes and choose to get up in the morning, to the choice of when our head will hit the pillow at the end of the day. Those choices that we make in between are what truly define who we are.

Today Pastor Steve mentioned Ananias and Sapphira from the book of Acts. They made a choice to do something deceptive, and it quite literally cost them their lives. Not every choice we make will result in something that immediate, but we never know. (Read below if you haven't heard that story.)

Why do I (we) do what I (we) do? The parable of The Sheep and the Goats" from Mathew 25 comes to mind, there were those doing things to be seen and there were those just doing things that came naturally as a part of who they were. (Read below if you are unfamiliar with the story.)

What is the motivation that guides the decisions that I make in my life? Are my decisions based on how I feel at that moment? Are they based on what will be most advantageous to me? Do they come from fear? Or, are they based on what the Lord would have me to do? The root of our decisions is based in our heart, that is where the very core of who we are is formed, it is where our integrity is set, and our motivations come from. The more we live a life of what the Lord would have us do, the easier it is to make the decisions that are going to take us in the direction that the Lord wants us to go.

I am sure that I have been guilty of making the self-serving decisions. However, that being said, the cry of my heart is to walk a life so firmly rooted in the Lord that all my choices would be based on what He would have me to do. I still have a ways to go before I do that every time. All I can do is continue to soak in His word, and listen for the Holy Spirit's guidance in my life.

Blessings! PrairieMouse (a.k.a - Mary)

Acts 3:32 - Acts 4:11
Sharing in All Things

    32 Now the multitude of those who believed were of one heart and one soul; neither did anyone say that any of the things he possessed was his own, but they had all things in common. 33 And with great power the apostles gave witness to the resurrection of the Lord Jesus. And great grace was upon them all. 34 Nor was there anyone among them who lacked; for all who were possessors of lands or houses sold them, and brought the proceeds of the things that were sold, 35 and laid them at the apostles’ feet; and they distributed to each as anyone had need. 36 And Joses, who was also named Barnabas by the apostles (which is translated Son of Encouragement), a Levite of the country of Cyprus, 37 having land, sold it, and brought the money and laid it at the apostles’ feet.

(Acts 4)Lying to the Holy Spirit

    1 But a certain man named Ananias, with Sapphira his wife, sold a possession. 2 And he kept back part of the proceeds, his wife also being aware of it, and brought a certain part and laid it at the apostles’ feet. 3 But Peter said, “Ananias, why has Satan filled your heart to lie to the Holy Spirit and keep back part of the price of the land for yourself? 4 While it remained, was it not your own? And after it was sold, was it not in your own control? Why have you conceived this thing in your heart? You have not lied to men but to God.”

    5 Then Ananias, hearing these words, fell down and breathed his last. So great fear came upon all those who heard these things. 6 And the young men arose and wrapped him up, carried him out, and buried him.

    7 Now it was about three hours later when his wife came in, not knowing what had happened. 8 And Peter answered her, “Tell me whether you sold the land for so much?”

She said, “Yes, for so much.”

    9 Then Peter said to her, “How is it that you have agreed together to test the Spirit of the Lord? Look, the feet of those who have buried your husband are at the door, and they will carry you out.” 10 Then immediately she fell down at his feet and breathed her last. And the young men came in and found her dead, and carrying her out, buried her by her husband. 11 So great fear came upon all the church and upon all who heard these things.

Matt 25:31-46 (The Sheep and the Goats)
The Son of Man Will Judge the Nations    
    31 “When the Son of Man comes in His glory, and all the holy angels with Him, then He will sit on the throne of His glory. 32 All the nations will be gathered before Him, and He will separate them one from another, as a shepherd divides his sheep from the goats. 33 And He will set the sheep on His right hand, but the goats on the left. 34 Then the King will say to those on His right hand, ‘Come, you blessed of My Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world: 35 for I was hungry and you gave Me food; I was thirsty and you gave Me drink; I was a stranger and you took Me in; 36 I was naked and you clothed Me; I was sick and you visited Me; I was in prison and you came to Me.’
    37 “Then the righteous will answer Him, saying, ‘Lord, when did we see You hungry and feed You, or thirsty and give You drink? 38 When did we see You a stranger and take You in, or naked and clothe You? 39 Or when did we see You sick, or in prison, and come to You?’ 40 And the King will answer and say to them, ‘Assuredly, I say to you, inasmuch as you did it to one of the least of these My brethren, you did it to Me.’
    41 “Then He will also say to those on the left hand, ‘Depart from Me, you cursed, into the everlasting fire prepared for the devil and his angels: 42 for I was hungry and you gave Me no food; I was thirsty and you gave Me no drink; 43 I was a stranger and you did not take Me in, naked and you did not clothe Me, sick and in prison and you did not visit Me.’ .
    44 “Then they also will answer Him, saying, ‘Lord, when did we see You hungry or thirsty or a stranger or naked or sick or in prison, and did not minister to You?’ 45 Then He will answer them, saying, ‘Assuredly, I say to you, inasmuch as you did not do it to one of the least of these, you did not do it to Me.’ 46 And these will go away into everlasting punishment, but the righteous into eternal life.” 

The Sheep and the Goats by Keith Green

Being Thankful and Learning to Dream

Over the course of the summer, I have been thinking about all the blessings in my life, they are many and I am so thankful for them. I know I have talked before of thankfulness but I have learned something new about it this summer.

• I have an amazing family, my children, my grandchildren, and all the extended family. (Doesn't matter which were by birth and which I gained through marriage, I love them all!!)
• My church family, they may have no idea just how important they are to me!!
• I am blessed with a nice home, in a safe area, a big deck and good layout. 
• I have a wonderful job that I love, plus I still have my small business- that makes me smile,  and together, the Lord uses them to pay my bills.
• Transportation: I was blessed with a car that kept me getting where I needed to go. Then this summer I felt it was time to do something that I have never done on my own, I bought a new car, not brand new but I have a cute little new car (2013) with warranties still in place. It's nice to know I can feel secure to get into it and drive long distance without worry.
• I have had the opportunity to take some wonderful trips.

I've always tried to be thankful, but not necessarily always been successful at it. I'm still not perfect at it, but I have gotten better at having a thankful heart. I understand better why the Word says in Ephesians 5:20 Giving thanks always for all things to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.

I have started seeing the blessings received better, by being thankful, it gives a me a greater appreciation for all the things that I have, and helps keep my focus to what I do have, rather than what I don't. It also allows me to be content in that. 

Ironically, I have recently begun to realize that in becoming more content in where I am in life, I am beginning to dream again. I have begun to take simple, practical steps as I have felt the Lord lead, and this helps bring my heart peace, and courage. The courage to face the future and be proactive about it. I had been continuing forward day to day, not fearful, but not really looking forward. 

Have you ever walked a path where you are in a crowded patch and the bushes really only let you see a step or two at a time, and then all of a sudden you break through the patch and the path becomes much more open, still a few branches, but now you can see quite a ways ahead? That's what has happened over the last few months.

I am now looking ahead to moving more than just a little forward and on into the complete clearing, seeing where the Lord is taking me. I give my heart and all that I have to use. I truly am thankful and more importantly TRUST HIM!! And I am beginning to really become excited about my future.

Blessings in the Journey

Three years have passed since I lost the love of my life. It's so long ago and yet only yesterday in my heart. This year, in the plans we had, we should have been going on our 35th anniversary, but instead, Glenn is celebrating 3 years in the full presence of the Lord and I am continuing on the journey that the Lord has for me. I can say this, I miss Glenn incredibly and think of him everyday, and wish that he were still here. I miss our conversations, our laughter, and time together... I could talk to him about anything and we would talk for hours. Ours was a blessed life...

That being stated, is not the focus for today's blog. I still deal with sadness at times, but the Joy of the Lord is my strength. Yes, I have joy, and the blessings of the Lord are the reason.

 What I wanted to talk about is the blessings in the journey that started on May 4, 2013, that day 3 years ago is when my life was forever changed. The Lord has been a present strength, each and every day. He has given me grace for the journey, where exactly I'm going, I'm honestly not sure, but I place my trust in Him.

Since Glenn passed my life has been an interesting journey, one that I am still trying to adjust too. Being alone after so many years is still very strange, but through God's guidance I continue to move forward. I have had to learn to do everything, earn the income, keep up on car maintenance, do the yard(definitely still battling that one), pay the bills and balance my budget-- the blessing, God has been so faithful in my finances. My bills have been paid each month, when I have needed something I have been able to take care of it, and I have even been able to have a little extra at times to do something special. 

The Lord has blessed me with 2 new grandchildren since that day, and the others have grown so much. I love being a grandma, though again, I'm not living it the way I had in my imagination years ago. I am adjusting and learning to be the best grandma that I can be. I am truly loved by my family, immediate, extended and my church family as well. I find that with them, the walk is easier.

The last couple years have, at times, felt like going down a river in an inner-tube. Some parts are easy and slow moving, and some are rough rapids, and sometimes I am in control and others I am simply along the ride... boy am I glad God has been keeping me upright. (I flipped in an inner-tube one time when I was younger and that's no fun.)

As I sit here right now writing this, I know that the last 3 years have been preparation time, exactly what for I'm not sure, but preparation for the future, none the less. I know this because the Lord tells me that in His word. I have a future and He knows what it is and if I continue to follow His lead, then I will find it. -- Yep, the God of my Strength, in Him will I trust. And as I continue to move forward, I will rejoice in the blessings of my life.

Be Blessed!!

PrairieMouse--- Mary

Easter Memories, Thoughts and Revelations

Easter 1964

As I've been pondering Easter, I began to reflect on my thoughts and memories of Easter, going way back to my childhood and then coming forward to what it means to me now. 

Easter 65 or 66

Easter 1970

As a little girl I remember Easter; new dresses, hats, baskets, Easter eggs and candy hunting. However, in spite of all those, my primary memory is that of going to Easter Service at church. That memory is dominated by something we did each and every year of my childhood at that service. It was the "Flowering of the Cross" all the children at church would bring flowers from home to put into a cross made of a wood frame and chicken wire to hold the flowers. After we would put our flowers into the cross we were given a plant, pansies as I recall. I loved getting those plants! And some years we were lucky and would get two of them. I didn't know why we got them but I loved that we got them.

Easter 1970 - This was probably
my favorite Easter Dress ever.

As I got older, and I received Jesus as Lord of my life, Easter took on a whole new meaning. It was the celebration of Jesus rising from the dead. His death on the cross, and coming forth from the tomb that morning meant that I would have eternal life, all because of Him.

It then took on an even deeper meaning to me, as I understood what it meant to allow Jesus to become Lord of my life, not just Savior. The level of thanks for that Sacrifice and miraculous resurrection truly set the course of my life, and I am thankful for it. The emotional highs, and lows of my life have all been made better because of it.

Easter 2015

Over the years there were many Easter Egg Hunts, those I attended and those I did for my children and those I took them to attend, and now those I enjoy doing for my grandchildren. The joy of watching them hunt for eggs and delight as they find them brings a smile to my face and heart.

As I was reflecting on all these things, and pondering the service at church, it took me back to those days of placing the flowers on the cross at St. Marks.  I got it, it suddenly made sense. The flowers we placed were picked, and therefore, technically, they were dead, and on a cross. The plants we were given in their place were alive and growing, and they represented a new life, like the one that we receive when we make that trade of dying to our self and accept the gift that was given to us through the His death on the cross, and subsequent resurrection.

My heart for all those who read this is that they have a blessed Easter and remember that it isn't just about new dresses, hats, baskets, Easter eggs and candy hunting-- It's really about a man on a Cross taking upon Himself all the sins and sicknesses of mankind and offering us a new life.