Reflections on Growth and Life

This morning, is one of reflection, as it is almost 13 full years since Glenn went home to the Lord. The journey has had it's share of challenges, ups and downs and amazing guidance and provision from the Lord. It's been a journey of growth and self realization. As I look back at my life and try to figure out when I made the changes in my Spiritual walk that brought me to my present, I ponder: What has brought me to where I am today? What continues to drive me to the future that the Lord has for me?  

This is a picture I took while on a cruise that the Lord let me take, it is a sound in New Zealand, in it's own way, it makes me think of my journey. 

When sailing into the sound the entrance was wide, but the passage, comparatively narrow. You can't see all the way in, only the section you are in, life is like that. You begin in a wide place and you journey through the days, months and years only seeing the segment you are in. Yes you have the memories of where you have been, but only an idea or where you are headed.

The direction of my thoughts today took me to the beginning of my actual walk with the Lord. I went to regular church services, I attended small group gatherings, ladies events, special meetings and even taught in Children's Church, not to mention listening to a lot of praise and worship music. I was in the boat, going the right direction, but not seeing the details. I was on my journey, I thought I was doing good, and as I look back, I was... but I know now, that there was so much more I could have, and honestly should have been doing. I am thankful that I had allowed the Lord to set HIS hook in my jaw as it were, that way He could guide me.

Over the years, I continued to get more of the Word in me on a consistent manner. I began to listen to it daily, and that increased and grew over time an I began to listen to it almost like I used to listen to the radio. I wasn't always listening with intent, but like with music, when you hear it, again and again, you 'learn the lyrics'.  This was putting a fresh foundation in me, that I didn't realize the depth of at the time, but as we are told in Psalms 119:11 Your word I have hidden in my heart, That I might not sin against You. It was building that foundation, step by step. I am thankful to belong to a church that for decades has challenged it's members, to read the Bible through every year, so that they are laying a solid foundation in their life.

Foundations are critical in your life, they are there to keep things stable in turbulent times. The Biblical demonstration of this is the Parable of building on sand or rock. The choice is ours, are we going to build on the Rock of Christ Jesus or the sands of man's ways and opinions. I am thankful I chose to build on the Rock. I made that choice the day I truly allowed Jesus to be my LORD and Savior, not just my Savior... there is a difference. Lordship is truly allowing the Lord to lead you... leaning fully into Proverbs 3:5-6 Trust in the Lord with all your heart, lean not to your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct your paths. 

I know that making that choice years ago has given me the source of navigation in my life and for this last 13 years especially. He is the rudder in my life as well as the wind in my sails. The rudder is not always seen, but it sets the direction for the journey. I know I will never regret that decision.

Does this mean I never have a bad day, no. Does it mean that I never question myself, no. What it means is, that I try to remember, to always lean into Him when making the big decision. It also means trying to live a life aligned with His Word, the Bible.  (I love this acronym: BIBLE - Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth

As I reflect on all of this, I know for certain, allowing Him to lead me has brought me more blessings than I can count! He is faithful and you can full trust in Him!!

Have a Blessed Day!

Time Passes -- Transparent Moments

I have had an odd series of emotional ups and downs recently, I think today, I am finally understanding them. As I take time to reflect back, I realize that this time of year has a variety of memories/moments that I now associate with it, some aren't always at the surface level, but this morning, I think I get it, I see it all... and more importantly I can now process through it, prayerfully finish release the painful part of it.

The beautiful part of this, the wonderful memories and moments... going back to Feb 14, 1980, 44 years ago on Valentines Day of my Senior year of High School. That was the day Glenn showed up at my house with a bouquet of flowers, and the card that said, "Will you be my steady Valentine?" (I know I've shared that part before.) We had been introduced 6 months before, just before my 17th birthday, an introduction that was going to begin our lives on an amazing journey. Short story on the next 30 years: The financial ups and downs, crazy life moments, blessings of 4 kids, the grandkids and most importantly learning to walk with the Lord and stay steady on that walk. That walk is what enabled us to face everything that came along.

Now to the beginning of the pain; 12 years ago, this month we knew something was wrong... we didn't know exactly what, but we knew there was some sort of challenge that we would face, but we were determined to face it together with the Lord as our anchor. A month later in March of 2012 we found out the deadly giant we were facing. We faced it with our eyes open and yet the determined faith that we believe in a miracle working God. The next 14 months were difficult ones, full of ups and downs, victories and then the pain of loss.

Next in the cycle of this time of year, it was Feb of 2013 that the doctor began to try to prepare us for what he saw was coming soon. The chemo was no longer working. Well, both Glenn and I, being naturally stubborn knew that we wouldn't give up fighting the good fight for Glenn's healing until he was healed, or home with the Lord. Well ultimately Glenn lost the battle here on earth but we did have a miracle, the fact that Glenn had lived about 13.5 months longer that the doctors had hoped for. And I know that He has been with the Lord since he left me on May 4th of that year. 

Forward 5 years to February 2018, I get a call that my dad wasn't doing well, I contact all my siblings and we converge to see him, for the first time in decades we were all together. It was a time of healing for my dad. He didn't pass then but about 2.5 months later at the end of April, he passed.

As I reflect on these things, it gives me a path through, I have processed a lot through these years but, there were still a few things open that I didn't realize, and they have allowed a "funk" of sorts to settle in every year. I will prayerfully get victory over that funk and move on from it. Not that I will ever forget those moments, but I will focus on the good that has come into my life since them and in spite of them.

My decision is to focus on the fact that what it says in Romans 6:28 is true. I have said over the years that there grief is like waves at the ocean, I feel like I have finally found a way to see the 'sneaker' wave and stop it from flattening me emotionally. To relate, to another analogy of grief... the polished stone. I have finally found a way to take the the rough rock of grief, now polished with time, out of the tumbler and look upon the beauty of it without pain from the rough edges-- they are gone.

May all of you that have gone through anything similar, also gain the victory from the lesson of the polished stone.

Separating the Heart From the Chaff

 Many of us have heard the parable of the wheat and the tares; they look alike when the plants are small but as they grow, the difference becomes more evident. The chaff, is part of the wheat plant, and it must be sifted for the grain to be used.

I have been pondering this intensely lately, wheat and chaff. When we think of wheat, we think of the wheat hearts that are used to make flour, the excess that surrounds that wheat heart is the husk and the stems, basically, chaff is the inedible parts of a grain-producing plant. And this is what is taking up a lot of my thought process... at some point the wheat and chaff MUST be separated. I believe that we are beginning to see this on the national stage at this time, but it is important to take a look at ourselves and make sure that the chaff in our own lives and walk with the Lord is sifted and allow our heart to be what remains.

The winnowing process requires thrashing the wheat and involves throwing the mixture into the air so that the wind blows away the lighter chaff, while the heavier grains fall back down for recovery. In the natural the chaff gets blown away... think about it, it's not heavy enough to stay put, even a light breeze can blow it away. The wheat heart can withstand stronger wind, because it's solid. It is the good part that can be used. In the spiritual, the chaff is what gets in the way of our walk with the Lord and what I want to see in my life is to have that chaff blown away, I want what GOD wants in my life... not the distractions.

Much like the difference between having a life built on sand, as opposed to one that is ANCHORED on the Rock, Christ Jesus. There is a difference. Like the chaff, sand will sift and move, but a rock stands firm.

So I guess where my mind sits, is for those who call themselves Christians. Are you wheat or chaff? The last few years have certainly been 'breezy' so to speak, and the question is, are you closer to the Lord in your walk, or have you been blown out a ways? This is something that we all have to think about. In a time that many churches closed up, and then stayed that way, we saw many around us have their faith challenged in a way that none of us ever expected. It has became a time where the 'habit' of church on Sunday was thrown seriously out of alignment. In many ways, the tossing of the wheat began.

As you look back over the last few years you can view it another way; In our spiritual life, when the rubber hit the road what happened? Did it spin like a bleach burn out? (All show no go.) Did it spin out of control and off the track? Did it fishtail a bit but then get back on course? Or was the driver in control enough to grip instantly and keep going forward, and maybe even gain position.

Each person must look at their own walk with the Lord, for we will ALL (Christian or not) answer to Him for what we do. Do we press in, and see what the Lord tells us to do, or do we let men tell us what is "right". Many of the things that the media says are right are diametrically opposed to the Word of God. The world has a different standard than the church. The Lord is the final say in my life, I choose to follow what HE tells me over the media.

Call me old fashioned, square, too churchy, whatever, I really don't care about what people think, as long as they can tell that my first priority is what God thinks of me. Yes, I want to be a wheat heart!