A Day of Thoughts...

Valentines, yes we all know what that is... lol... love.

I sit here thinking back 33 years, it was about 6 p.m. I think, and my phone rang... that was back in the days of landlines and cords, and rings, not music announcing a call. Oh, back to the memory, it was Glenn, he had just gotten off of work and wanted to know if I was going to be home, I said that I was. He then asked if he could come over, I said yes. 

I wasn't necessarily expecting him to call, we had been dating off and on for a while, but nothing specific. So when he called I was happy, made a mad dash to the store for some sort of Valentine and figured he'd get there and we'd go do something... well I was unprepared for what happened, lol. When he arrived, he had a bouquet of flowers for me, and in them was a card that asked a seemingly simple question, "Will you be my steady Valentine?" 

Well you know what I said? Nothing... then I said, "I'll be right back." LOL... I look back- what a dork I was! (still am?) Well I went to the other room and shoved the card at my mom, somewhat in shock. Then in a brilliant moment <NOT> I said, can I answer later? He being the patient guy he is and has always been, said "Yes," don't think he thought it would take me a month to answer, but at least I said yes eventually. 

I think the card I gave him that night was a warning to him what he was getting into, I can't remember what it said but I remember this... it was a puzzle that had to be put together to read.

Then in December of 1981 we made that "steady" really permanent. We were young, in love and happy to be wed. 

This evening Glenn looked at me and told me he loved me, this isn't unusual, it's been a steady part of our relationship since very early, we remember to say, I Love You on a regular basis. It's what he said after that touched me. 

Here he is, 11 months (today) in this battle against cancer, and he looks at me and says, "I'm sorry for putting you through this." I walked over to him and curled up next to him and reminded him, that I agreed to it a long time ago on a December day... 

Very few people speak their vows on their wedding day and really think about the depth of them-- Yeah you think of better or worse; cuz you know their will be up and downs. You realize the part of for richer or poorer... not to many of us never have any financial stresses. But somehow, the one, "in sickness and in health," well you just don't think about. It, however, is another part of those vows-- and it, is when you really understand what it is to love and care about someone else.

I can wish I could wave  a magic want and 'boom!" cancer would be gone... but I can't. But what I can do is show my husband how much I love him by standing shoulder to shoulder with him in this fight. I will do my best to be what I am called to be- his helpmate suitable. I pray with him, and for him, I stand firm on the promises of the Lord, and I look forward to future Valentine's Days where we celebrate the day he asked me, to become we.

Today ,we enjoyed a lunch at Angelos and talked of that day so long ago... you know, I really am glad I said yes. He's an amazing husband, and man of God. To say that I love him, well that is an understatement; but I don't know how else to say the depth of my feelings for the incredible gift that God gave me when he brought Glenn into my life.

Happy Valentine's Day!!

The Battle is the Lords

Proverbs 3:5-8 Trust in the Lord with all your heart And lean not on your own understanding In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct your paths. Do not be wise in your own eyes Fear the Lord and depart from evil. It will be health to your flesh, And strength to your bones.

Psalms 46:10-11 Be still, and know that I am God I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth! The LORD of hosts is with us; The God of Jacob is our refuge.

This last year the segment from Proverbs has taken on, how do I say this... an expanded meaning in our lives. While I have always understood the obvious part, we are really pressing to a new level, looking for, and seeing the promise of the last sentence... health to your flesh, and strength to your bones. 

Since this battle started almost 11 months ago, we have grown to press further when seeking the Lord's direction in all things. It was the Lord who directed us in the course of treatment in the cancer battle, He gave us on day 1, the three fold cord that we were to follow; 

• Spiritual; Pressing, praying for us and others, sharing what He is doing
• Medical; Staying here, doing chemo and trusting Him (the Lord) to have Glenn's back against the side effects. And we can say they have been minimal, especially for the intensity of the treatment that they have him on.
• Nutritional; This is a big on, and it most certainly had it's bumpy start- Glenn was so sick last year that he could barely eat, and that caused a negative cycle. It was a circle, he wasn't hungry, so he wouldn't eat much, that reduced what appetite he had, and that made him less hungry... And as I shared in one of the early entries of this blog, the realization hit-- he was starving himself to death... however because the Lord helped us see this, and gave us the path back to a healthy weight and appetite. This way he had the strength he needed for the battle. Recently, we have begun the next shift in this area, it involves a lot of study, (following God's lead) and shifts in the eating. For the 6 months from July to Jan. we were looking primarily on getting his weight up, and stable, we have reached that, he is pretty much stabilized at about 200 pounds and now we are shifting from just thinking about calorie intake, to a more healthy diet, one that will focus on creating an environment that will be good for Glenn and bad for the cancer. Again it is God's leading.

We know that ultimately the battle is the Lord's, we are trying as a team to do what He would have us to do, to obtain the victory in the natural that He has shown us in the spiritual.

We have an amazing group of people around us that I cannot thank enough- the support and prayers through the battle have definitely helped us in this fight, they are a part of the spiritual strand of that cord.

There are many times during the last 11 months that doing what is spoken in Psalms 46 has been so important to remember... To be still and know that He is God, and He is our refuge. I lean heavily on this thought at those times when the battle rages on in my thoughts, I know who is in charge, and I remind the enemy of that... I am very thankful that I have the Lord to press into when I am weak-- in Him is my strength.

I've love the song, The Warrior is a Child, since the first time I heard it. If you've never heard it, here are the lyrics and a youtube video:

Lately I've been winning battles left to right
But even winners can get wounded in the fight
People say that I'm amazing
I'm strong beyond my years
But they don't see inside of me
I'm hiding all the tears

[CHORUS]
They don't know
That I come running home when I fall down
They don't know
Who picks me up when no one is around
I drop my sword and cry for just a while
Cuz deep inside this armor
The warrior is a child

Unafraid because his armor is the best
But even soldiers need a quiet place to rest
People say that I'm amazing
I never face retreat
But they don't see the enemies
That lay me at his feet 

[CHORUS]
They don't know
That I come running home when I fall down
They don't know
Who picks me up when no one is around
I drop my sword and cry for just a while
Cuz deep inside this armor
The warrior is a child

They don't know
That I come running home when I fall down
They don't know
Who picks me up when no one is around
I drop my sword and look up for a smile
Cuz deep inside this armor (deep inside)
Deep inside this armor
Deep inside this armor
The warrior is a child (chorus)

Ya Just Never Know --

Psa 37:23 The steps of a good man are ordered by the LORD, And He delights in his way.

I find it ironic, that in those moments that I think, "Oh a chance for a breather," that things get crazy. LOL, not a bad crazy just the right amount to keep the thoughts of the enemy at bay.

The week started normal enough, Monday was chemo and I went and had coffee with a friend during the first part of it-- Glenn's Benadryl nap, that is the first 2 hours of chemo after they have given him the Benadryl in his IV- he conks for 2 hours. This is the time I take care of errands that need to be done or sometimes I get a chance to meet with a friend for coffee... Something which I enjoy when it occurs.

Monday evening the week began to take a shift, the Lord was doing something... He was giving us an opportunity to be an answer to the need in someone else's life. We said yes... of course when you say yes to the Lord, sometimes it comes with challenges, well it did, it meant I would have to kick things to high gear and get most of the rest of our stuff from the old place-- Yeah I now have a bunch more boxes to deal with to find my new home again, lol. This has kept me busy this week. On top of this, it was still chemo week and disconnect on Wednesday. 

Tuesday was our WOW meeting at church (that's our women's ministry) and it was good, I always enjoy the fellowship and teaching at these meetings, glad I was reminded by someone, I almost spaced!

Wednesday had some bumpy spots; Glenn's tumor marker has increased some and the enemy tried to use that to really tweak both our heads. I was upset for a while but then I reeled it back in an remembered that God is in charge of this, we are standing on His word... so numbers are just that, numbers. Do we want to see them go back down, absolutely!! However, we know that God is our source.  Glenn began teaching a class last Sunday on Biblical Healing, so what did we expect- things to go unchallenged? 

The moving, and preparations at the old place have begun, this is new territory, Amber has been amazing through this, saying yes to sharing her space, as it's been that for 3 months now.  On top of this, is of course, the everyday work that I need to do with business and home-- it's all good though, the busyness is a great way to not have time to let fear creep in... I am thankful that God's timing is perfect!

I have learned over the years that it is best to release, and trust God. Daily choosing to follow the path that He has set before me... do I rabbit trail sometimes... sadly yes, but less than I did, and God is faithful to nudge me back when I do so that I always get back to His way and not mine.

My hearts cry- Lord I want to follow hard after You, following the path that you lead me on, trusting that You are there with me and have a  goal and purpose for everything that may come up.

So remember, things may come up that seem like road blocks- but maybe, they are just speed bumps that are slowing you down enough, to do something that the Lord is wanting you to do. Ya just never know......