Faith in the Day to Day

Mark 11:22 So Jesus answered and said to them, "Have faith in God.
1Cor 16:13 Watch, stand fast in the faith, be brave, be strong.
2Cor 5:7 For we walk by faith, not by sight.

Faith... it's mentioned 245 times in the Bible- just what is faith?

Faith defined by Merriam-Webster's Dictionary
1.  a : allegiance to duty or a person : loyalty
     b (1) : fidelity to one's promises (2) : sincerity of intentions
2.  a (1) : belief and trust in and loyalty to God (2) : belief in the traditional doctrines of a religion
     b (1) : firm belief in something for which there is no proof (2) : complete trust

3.  : something that is believed especially with strong conviction; especially : a system of religious beliefs

Everyday of the last 16+ months has taught me something new about what it means to have faith, to walk in faith, to live in faith.  Faith doesn't mean you don't have fear hit, to me it means that when you do, you remember that you need to let go and let God. That is something that doesn't come unopposed by the enemy. 

Satan does what he can to challenge my decisions to trust God; he tries to create doubt and fear and drive them to a level that will overwhelm me. I'd love to say that I always see it when it starts and get the jump on it immediately... but I don't, so I can't. What I will say is that when I recognise it for what it is, I try to get my head on straight and remember just Who is my source, for all things. 

God is my source, and as long as I get myself into that headspace, then I know everything will work out, He loves me, and is watching out for me. I know that whether it's the waves of loneliness from not having Glenn with me, or the fear of an uncertain future, I can have faith in Him that it's gonna be okay-

I can give those feelings of loneliness to Him, He knows every corner of my heart, He knows how much I miss Glenn- He's the one that blessed me with him as part of my life for 33 years, so I am safe to release those feelings to Him, He brings me comfort in my heart.

I can also have faith that He will lead me into the future He has planned for me, I trust that He has it laid out, He knows the end from the beginning and I know He will take my hand and lead me-- I just need to let Him.

So if you see me, abnormally quiet, and you ask if I'm okay, and I respond, "yeah"... it just means God is growing my faith again... and it is an everyday thing, some days it's easy and I am confident, some it is hard- and I may feel a bit lost, but it really is always good, because it's always moving me forward in the Lord.

The song "I Walk by Faith" is something that has playing a lot in my car over the last month, and this week it was mentioned in a friend's, facebook post...

To me this song is a prayer and a statement, of faith in and of itself... 

I walk by faith, each step by faith 
To live by faith, I put my trust in You. 
I walk by faith, each step by faith 
To live by faith, I put my trust in You. 
Every step I take is a step of faith 
No weapon formed against me shall prosper
 And every prayer I make is a prayer of faith 
And if my God is for me 
Then who can be against me?

Smiles and Sillyness

I was looking for a picture today and found yet another photo of Glenn sticking his tongue out... lol, it really did make me laugh out loud. You see I didn't remember taking this one. It got me thinking about a lot of things that make me smile. Our relationship was one that was full of smiles and sillyness... yes the Lord was the center from about 6 months after we got married, but that just made it better!!

This is a cropped version of the shot that triggered this blog.

From the first night we met you could tell that if it lasted, then it was going to be a playful relationship. Let me explain; we were at Taco Bell with the friends that 'set us up' (unbeknownst to me, lol). And this guy, that I barely know, thinks that since our friend has thrown his girlfriend over his shoulder then why shouldn't he toss me over his... and then, oh yeah, smack me on the rear end!! Like I have ever been bratty enough to deserve that... heehee. I still smile when I think back- it was the start of many good times to come.

Over the years we really were blessed with a huge amount of good times and fun moments, no matter what else was going on. You see, you don't have to have a lot of money or things to have a great life, joy is far more important, and we had that.

I think that you can see we liked to laugh, being silly was fun (free too). I can't remember what he was laughing about in the prom picture but I know he was being ornery just by the look on my face. Of course at the costume dance we gave the obligatory goofy pose... semi-recreated in reverse, to embarrass the child with a camera years later, only I didn't have a belt in my hand- another photo that made me stop and crack a big grin. We really enjoyed being together, and those memories are with me forever and will bring smiles for years to come. 

One of Glenn's favorite things to do when I had a camera aimed at him was be goofy- weird smiles, glances over glasses, and as mentioned before... sticking out the tongue! Mainly, I think he did to drive me crazy, lol... it worked.

We were blessed to enjoy a couple nice vacations in the last 10 years, a couple cruises, Hawaii, Disneyland and Lake Tahoe (plus a some weekend escapes.) Again, they were filled with fun and exploration, tourist things on the cruises- plus food/silly combined for Glenn, a must. The last cruise we went on we did a jeep excursion with Denny and Jan, and when there was a small creek to be crossed, they told us we could either go slow and steady, or just go fast... well never being one to miss an oppertunity Glenn floored it-- Denny and Jan got soaked with the splash, it went clear over the front seat where we were sitting. When we went to Tahoe, it was exploring the beauty of the area, going out on the paddle boats and just walking around in the wayside parks around the lake. Hawaii meant Pearl Harbor... amazing!! Also touring the Dole Pineapple farm, where our train came off the track, so we didn't actually get to see it, instead we had to walk back to the main building and were given complimentary Dole Whip desserts... and a funny memory.

Our greatest joy (and challenge at times) has been raising a family. Again laughter and fun were woven into it, as were discipline and training. Our older kids remember the harder times on family finances, but they also remember watching Daddy play baseball, and volleyball at picnics- and of course the attack of the "tickle monster!!!" I don't know exactly what all memories they each have, but I'm sure that many of Glenn's silly moments and love of fun came through for all of them.

The last five years have been the joy of grandchildren, the laughter and pure delight in the eyes of a toddler are an amazing thing, Hugs and kisses from the little people were and are a delight. Glenn met all three of his granddaughters and he knew that Asher was on the way, and that brought great delight to both of us. Something I know is that all of our grandchildren will also be raised with lots of sillyness and smiles in their lives also.

Memories are an amazing thing, and to have had the marriage that we had, and to look back at them I can say they are truly a blessing. And through the tears that some of them trigger, they make me smile and flood my heart with sunshine. If I could say one thing to you... If you imagine 10-20 years in the future, remember it's the things that you do now that become those memories then what kind of memories will they be? Make your life one of smiles and sillyness, don't be afraid to have fun! 

Seasons

Ecc 3:1-11  To everything there is a season, A time for every purpose under heaven:  A time to be born, And a time to die; A time to plant, And a time to pluck what is planted;

A time to kill, And a time to heal; A time to break down, And a time to build up;

A time to weep, And a time to laugh; A time to mourn, And a time to dance;

A time to cast away stones, And a time to gather stones; A time to embrace, And a time to refrain from embracing;

A time to gain, And a time to lose; A time to keep, And a time to throw away;

A time to tear, And a time to sew; A time to keep silence, And a time to speak;

A time to love, And a time to hate; A time of war, And a time of peace.

What profit has the worker from that in which he labors?

 I have seen the God-given task with which the sons of men are to be occupied.

He has made everything beautiful in its time. Also He has put eternity in their hearts, except that no one can find out the work that God does from beginning to end.

Seasons--

I have been pondering that word for a while. The dictionary gives a lot of definitions, here are a few:

1. one of the four periods of the year (spring, summer, autumn, and winter), beginning astronomically at an equinox or solstice, but geographically at different dates in different climates.
2. a period of the year characterized by particular conditions of weather, temperature, etc.: the rainy season.
3. a period of the year marked by certain conditions, activities, etc.: baseball season.
4. a period of the year immediately before and after a special holiday or occasion; Christmas season
5. any period or time: in the season of my youth.
6. a suitable, proper, fitting, or right time

Seasons are always changing, no matter which kind we are talking about. This last year and a half have held so many seasons wrapped up.... It was winter going into spring that we found out we were entering a season of warfare against cancer that was to last 14 months. Yet encompassed inside that season were seasons of holidays, happiness, struggles, victories- so many things.

I guess what triggered this thoughtline on seasons was when I was thinking about the 4th of July holiday and the summer season that encompasses it. It was at this point a year ago that we had hit a low point in the battle, Glenn had dropped about 50 pounds and was very thin and week. The family has begun a tradition of a campout at Valley of the Rogue during the week around the 4th and they had seen to it that we could be a part of it in spite of Glenn's physical condition at the time. It was a week of blessings, a change of scenery, time to be with family, or just us alone as we needed. A time of prayer, and deep discussions, and a time that we heard the Lord on how to focus for the next of our season within a season times... the season of reclamation.

Yep, we gained some clarity and a plan, and we worked together with the leading of the Lord and Glenn reclaimed weight, back to 200 from 154 and he regained some strength, not a lot but some. This lead to better energy and reclaiming the ability to play the bass in worship at church... something that he kept pressing to do until shortly before he passed. He wasn't going to let the enemy take the joy of worshipping on an instrument from him. Glenn was also up to driving part of the time again, as he took over on our drive to the coast as we entered the canyon area- he knew I didn't like to drive that segment (a short trip but meaningful memories for me).

As the summer season went into fall, we pressed into a season of joys and memories. The cancer was receding and Glenn was feeling better, even preaching on a Wed. night. Getting out with Jacob for a few rounds of golf. The joy of our 3rd grandchild's arrival and finding out that number 4 (who is now our first grandson) was on the way. We had a fall that saw the move to a new home, which I know gave Glenn some peace, knowing that no matter what was to come, housing was no longer an uncertainty. Thanksgiving was most definitely a time of giving thanks, the family was together for dinner and Glenn was eating well, it was a very good day. We entered the Christmas season, full of hope and optimism in the midst of the constant reminder of the health battle.

Christmas was nice, Glenn was on percussion for candlelight service, again something that brought joy to his heart, and to mine. Putting up lights on the new place, something he enjoyed about the holiday season. (Yeah, channeling his inner Clark Griswold, lol.) Again, the joy of family around and just being together. It was also a season of teaching, Glenn was teaching a class at church and it was amazing to see what it did within him as I watched him in his prep time, even when the enemy tried to tell him he wouldn't finish the series- he did!! Into the new year, we were met with the news that the Chemo was beginning to fail, so in Feb. a shift was made to a different Chemo, Glenn was getting a bit weaker but we still kept planning for the next season while enjoying the one we were in. He spent a lot of time looking online for an RV that we could figure how to get, and that I would feel comfortable driving or pulling. It was a season of dreaming. We made a day trip up to Union Creek and Crater Lake, he was tiring easy and walking in the snow was hard due to the neuropathy but we had a nice day; the sun was shining and it was beautiful that day! Our oldest son and his lovely wife came down from Alaska to visit and we were able to go and have family pictures done with everyone, while Glenn still had most of his hair. It was a wonderful time and the pictures are a treasure!!

As spring began to approach we began moving into another season... what was to become a very hard season for us, yet still with it's joyful times. Glenn's health was beginning to decline, we never quit believing in God's ability to heal Glenn, so in spite of the physical, we still pressed in our talks of the future. We enjoyed Easter at our daughter's house, the anticipation of the grandson that would arrive, the joy of our Granddaughter's dedication. We also got to see the Lord's healing touch on others around us, we knew then and I know now that God can and does heal!

Then another season came, one that as I look back I recognize it but I didn't want to see it for what it was... it was a season of good-byes for Glenn. The major drop in Glenn's health hit, and friends and family were there to support us, helping get things done, and get Glenn places that month, just being there. We also saw a lot of family and friends during April, we were both blessed by their presence. It was good to see them, and as always we were talking about all of us getting together again, talking of a BBQ for Glenn's birthday.

Then came the season of Good-bye, to Glenn... we he passed it was so quick that I really was shocked, yes I knew the 'prognosis' but still. Even in this season of Good-bye came a blessing of joy, in the form a little man, our Asher Glenn... his smile is a delight! Following Asher's arrival came time to say our formal good-bye, in the form of a Celebration of Life for Glenn, it was beautiful and so many were there, my heart is still full from the love of that day... and that is helping me as I have moved into the next season alone.

I am in a new season, again, one that has many wrapped within it. One I never prepared myself for, especially for at my present age; grief and widowhood... I know I'm not 'alone' because first I know that God is with me, and in the natural I have amazing family and friends that make sure that I have company... however, I am alone, for the first time since a week before my 17th birthday, I am without my Glenn. It is a season of adjustment on so many levels, I have to adjust to  not hearing his voice each day, not having his hugs I need and crave so much- wrapped in his arms where I felt so safe and secure. I am in a season of learning, learning to lean on and trust God in a new way, again. Trusting Him to complete me, depending upon Him to guide me-- I have always tried to, but again, I no longer have the covering of my husband... so it has changed. Beyond the spiritual side, I am learning to trust the Lord for finances in a new way... in the past there were 2 of us to earn what was needed, not now-- however, God is faithful!! He has already shown me that He will provide I just need to rest in Him... this doesn't mean sitting around, not even close. What it means is to follow His leading in income generation and trust Him to give me the energy to get through this next season of working my business and a job. I know He will be with me, I've seen Him do it for others in the same, and some in similar situations (having to be sole support for one reason or another.)

I have faith in what it says in Psalms 37:25 I have been young, and now am old; Yet I have not seen the righteous forsaken, Nor his descendants begging bread.

I don't understand now, the why's of the seasons I've been in recently but what I do know is that seasons come and seasons go, in each there are both blessings and challenges, I know this- but I also know that both bring growth and during each season I draw strength through time spent with the Lord, in word and in worship and I will trust in Him whatever the seasons bring.