Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the LORD, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.
I find
myself saying this verse a lot lately… My heart is shattered, and it really
feels like a physical pain at times, I miss Glenn so much, the dreams we had
for the things we wanted to do are now gone, because the “we” part is done… now
it is just me, and I have to remember that God does have a plan for me.
What I
know at this moment:
- Glenn is with the Lord- no more pain, no more cancer, but worshipping in the court of the Lord. And that makes me smile, even through the tears, I know that his love for God was the single most important thing in his life, and that is something that makes me glad.
- What I also know, is that the cancer that took Glenn did not come from the Lord, because God is NOT the author of sickness and disease.
- Glenn accomplished a lot during the last year of his life, he prayed for others and saw them healed, he taught the word of God and never quit believing it. He walked what he believed.
I have
no clue what my future looks like at this moment, other that it includes the
Lord, my family, and my church family. I am simply taking things one day at a
time. Quite honestly, some days are better than others—Some are okay, minimal
tear jags, others… well, let’s just say I release more, I know I need to do
this. I don’t know how long this will go on with such intensity; I just know
that, eventually it will get better. I trust in God that He will get me through
this period and show me what He has for me, He will turn the page into the new
chapter He is writing for the book of my life.
The
questions in my mind are beyond number, as I’m sure they are for anyone going
through something like this. Will I ever get the answers? To some yes, the ones
like work and finances, direction of ministry… yes, those I will get. But to
others- Particularly the “why” questions… not likely, and I am coming to terms
with that- God is sovereign, He does love me and I can trust in Him.
My
faith has grown this last year, and as I continue forward, it will continue to
grow as I learn even more how to trust Him for provision. It’s not that I haven’t
done that before, it’s just simply in the past the human side was “we can
figure this out.” Well now I know in a bigger way that I can’t do it on my own,
I must have a listening ear for His direction and then the courage to step out
to what He calls me to do.
So
yes, I will press through the pain and into the future… be patient, God isn’t
finished with me yet!
Beautifully written, Mary. It will get easier. I see my reflection in your words. Seems like the older we get, or should I say experience, the less we know, and yet the More we know Him. I still write "we" most times and actually had someone ask me, "whose the we?" That was hard. love you, M
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