Birthday Ponderings

My mind is pondering birthdays of the last 34 years... back to my first date with Glenn on my 17th birthday in 1979- The Muppet Movie. Heard the theme song from it on the Radio just a couple days ago and it still makes me smile.

I find myself shedding tears this morning, not so much of sadness, but missing Glenn and celebrating our birthdays together. Our birthdays fall 8 days apart so any celebration was joint, usually a lunch or dinner together... and a Sunday birthday lunch with the whole family after church. We only exchanged a few gifts over the years because the simple joy of being together was what we enjoyed most.

Even last year, Glenn was on an upswing, feeling well enough to eat some Chinese food at China Hut. We didn't really ever go the fancy route, it wasn't us... I think Olive Garden was our lunch choice once or twice over the years because their all you can eat Pasta was a favorite of both of ours.

Probably the thing we both enjoyed most was simply the time to talk, again, that's the thing I really miss- our talks. I had someone tell me once, after seeing us eating out for about our 15th birthday lunch after our marriage, that they were amazed watching us have our meal together. Thinking this statement odd, I asked why and he looked at me and said that most couples he had waited on over the years, and who have been together that long, well; they just didn't spend a whole meal talking so much. He thought that was really cool, that we looked like we enjoyed each others company like newlyweds. Well, we did, we really liked to converse, and the topics were all over the place, from the silly and simple, to deep and intense, as well as a lot of  memories and dreams. 

Dreams, there's that word again, we were talking dreams of the future almost up til the moment that we, became me. That's a hard one. 

I have a feeling that today may be a bumpy one, but it will be one that though there will be tears, I will also have lots of smiles cross my lips and heart as I think of all those wonderful birthday moments that we did have together, including last years final coast trip together that we enjoyed so much... the room was at a simple little hotel but we could hear the waves all night- it was perfect!

I will always love my Glenn, and cherish our time together. I will pause for the memories of the past, but at the same time I will continue to do what I know he would want me to do, and press forward into life (and it is what I would want for him if things were reversed). To dwell in the place of sadness doesn't do any justice to our life together... we loved life, serving the Lord together, and loving our family. And to honor Glenn, I will continue that.  Doing as it says in Philippians 3:14  I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.  - I know that I will find my bearings in this walk alone because, I am not alone, I have the Lord.

Happy 1st Birthday with the Lord, my love.