Dreams, Good-bye's and 2019 Ahead

Proverbs 3 moments -

Prov 3:5-6 ​​Trust in the LORD with all your heart, ​​And lean not on your own understanding; ​​In all your ways acknowledge Him, ​​And He shall direct your paths.

Christmas is over, and the family has gone home, the paper is waiting to go into the trash can when it becomes empty again, my heart is full and I am blessed!!

What a year 2018 has been!! It has been a year of highs and lows and again bringing changes ahead. 

The year ahead was to bring a variety of things, the one I knew was coming was a trip I had dreamed about since I was a child. I also knew it was likely that at some point I would say my last good-bye to my dad... other than that, I had little thoughts on what the year would bring.

My dad was ready to go, he had made peace with the Lord, and since my stepmom Carol had passed in April of 2017 he had told me then that he was ready to go anytime the Lord saw fit. He promised me at that time that he wouldn't do anything to shorten his time here, but he wouldn't do anything to extend it either.

In February, I got a call- it looked like my 92 year old dad was passing, I got on the phone to my siblings, made some hotel reservations and headed north to Vancouver, WA. I arrived, and within a couple days all 4 of my brothers along with some of their kids and all of my children and grandchildren had made it there to let my dad know they loved him and say their good-byes. Each of us had time to spend with him one on one, as well as surround him with the craziness that is our family when all together in a small space. It was a bit overwhelming for him at times, but he loved it. When it got to be a bit much, he would just sit back and enjoy the chaos. With his hearing he couldn't really follow it all, but he told me it made him happy just to see us all together.

It was a fun time, with dad sharing stories and also a healing time for my dad, emotionally, he was able to release some spiritual baggage that had been building up for years... forgiveness is an amazing thing. He did some rebounding that weekend though he was started on hospice, we knew the end was coming, but at least not that February weekend.

Over the next few weeks I made sure to call him between 3 & 7 times a week, we would talk of many things, and almost always the conversation would end with me saying I would call in the next day or 2 and he would finish by saying something like... "yep, I suppose I'll still be here." His humor coming through... he was tired but always liked it when I would call, he would also let me know if any of my brothers had called. 

About mid-March I let dad know I would be coming up and we would have a StarWars weekend, in our family we are all StarWars fans and I told him that we would make sure that he was all caught up, because if he was still around when the new one came out, I was going to come up and take him.  Well this was a goal for him I guess, since I drove up on a Saturday after work and then on Sunday, my youngest son and I spent the afternoon with dad watching movies. I will cherish that afternoon. I saw something that day that told me that dad would be leaving soon, so the next day when I was leaving town I wasn't surprised when I got the call that dad had less than 72 hours left. I knew it would be that day, and it was. Yes, I was sad, and I miss my dad, but I know he had lived a long life, and he told me that he had accepted Jesus as his Savior many years before-- so I was/am at peace with his passing.

The time between his passing and the memorial at the end of June presented me with many emotional/physical and fiscal challenges, however the Lord got me through all of them. Family was so important in the physical side, stepping up to help me move the last bits of my dad's stuff by the deadline that was set before me. -- I will be ever thankful to them, Jacob, Jake, Russ and Debbie, thank you so much!!

Moving forward, the summer was busy with work and a fast trip to the coast to connect with the family for a couple days of the annual camp out, always fun!! This trip is an annual event with family coming in from all around the country, a time to hang out, and have fun, just playing... all ages, together.

I wasn't there for the whole time but it was a lot of fun to see the kids working together building a dam on the beach. Family games like Pctionary, and a variety of others... of course there were many marshmallows to be roasted and snacks to be consumed, it was a great time!

The coast was a great break from the smoke that had consumed the valley during the summer. I just wish the ocean were a bit closer, though 2 hours isn't bad.

During the summer I traded in my little red car and got a car that is a bit bigger, I like it! 

As the summer progressed, I was busy prepping for the trip that I was going to be going on in the fall. October was to bring a trip with my Sister-in-law, Teresa.  We planned parts of our adventure, knowing some things that we really wanted to do, planning much, but not all things-- you have to leave some flex room in life, lol! This meant some coffee and meal dates to plan our adventures.

...We were headed to Australia and New Zealand. So much excitement, and after over a year in the planning, we took off for our adventure on Oct 24, 2018, landing on the other side of the world at about 7:30 a.m. on Oct 26. 

Flying to Australia and then cruising to New Zealand was an adventure!! It was so amazing explore Sydney and to see in person things I had only seen on TV or in movies... we only had a couple days in Sydney and it made me want to go back some day. After a couple days we got on the cruise ship and headed for New Zealand, and during the trip we were blessed to explore small parts of New Zealand, and again be left for a craving for more of the country. -- More about the full trip will be left for another blog, when I get through the more than 1200 pictures, lol.

Coming home from the trip meant returning to my job and life, and that's okay too, I had many of my regulars at the restaurant that were excited for me and wanted to hear how the trip went. I got to share the joy of my adventure with them.

However, arriving home meant finding out that I had another change coming in my life, the job that I had come to love over the last 4 years was going away. The final days of that job I found myself in tears more than once. It's not often you work a job that you truly love, a job you look forward to going to each day.

I found myself having to look for work again, I have found a job, though not likely to be the one I will be in for the long term. And I am once again in a more obvious faith walk moment, much like I was in when Glenn passed. Life is always a faith walk, but when I (or anyone for that matter) find myself in a position to have to trust God in a level that others can see, we are in a, "rubber meets the road," moment. Do we believe what we say or is it just words.

In my life, I want to live a life of faith, and that means being ready to let go, and let God. It means that I need to be willing to trust the Lord each day for provision in all things. It means being thankful in all things, accepting that He is in charge. It doesn't mean I don't have any moments of fear, or sadness, because I most certainly do. But ultimately it means that I have decided to trust my life into the Lord's hands. 

So in looking forward to 2019, I am curious as to what lies ahead in my life, but I have decided that I will continue to trust in the Lord, I know that if I want to grow closer to Him, then trials like this will inevitably be a part of my life, and I am okay with that.

May the Lord bless you with an amazing 2019!!

Thanksgiving Thoughts

Thanksgiving is here once again, and though we learned in school that it was the celebration by the pilgrims celebrating the arrival, harvest and first year in the "New World" giving thanks to God.

I try to make sure that thanks to the Lord is on the top of my every day list, not just Thanksgiving day.

What it has become is a day of family, and you know, that's not bad. Family is something to be thankful for.

It is the number one traveled time of year, people looking 'homeward' where ever that may be. Gathering with parents, siblings, extended family-- the laughter of children of all ages!

I was blessed to be among about 23 family members today, covering 3 generations, a group that gets together for it's own brand of family fun and insanity each year, and I am thankful that they are mine.

Traditions like who gets the first deviled egg make it fun.


This is a time of year that stirs memories for many, I know it does for me... memories of many childhood Thanksgivings filled with my watching the parade on TV, then my Dad, Granddad and Uncle taking us kids to breakfast so 'the ladies' could get the food in the oven and most of the prep out of the way. And if the weather permitted, football in the yard with kids from the neighborhood until it was feast time.

Memories of my children small and us eating our cinnamon rolls in the morning, out of the oven they came and in went the turkey when we would host the family. Memories of so many happy times. Those memories are especially cherished now that some of those that were with us, are no longer here.

Take time this holiday season to make some memories, those around you will not always be there. Love them while you can, enjoy, appreciate and laugh with them!!

Keep the feeling of thankfulness in your heart all year, an attitude of gratitude makes life so much better.

Happy Thanksgiving and a very Merry Christmas season!!!

                                                    Mary

A.K.A Prairiemouse

So Thankful, So Important!

Driving along today, I found myself almost in tears... but these were not the tears I have gotten used to dealing with; those are the ones that come from sneak attacks of grief and loneliness... Today's tears were from the most profound feeling of thankfulness!!

I was driving along, running an errand and all of a sudden I felt something familiar, tears, welling up-- but there was something different going on inside of me, it wasn't the sadness that is usually there when this happens, it was a different feeling. I was literally shocked to realize why the tears were welling up, they were coming from, for a lack of a better way to describe it, an overwhelming sense of deep thankfulness within.

I have tried to make thankfulness a big part of my life, but recently I decided to begin a journal that has one purpose-- recording the things in my life I am thankful for. The decision to do this had come after one of those other moments of tears, I decided that I was going quit allowing myself to wallow in my loss and to start changing my focus, I chose to go back to the time of losing Glenn to cancer, and start journaling those things that the Lord has done since I started this chapter of my life... and there are many!! (I may share more on that in the future.)

I know the reality, I will still have those other tears, but I am making an effort to take a life of thankfulness to the next level. I want more of those overwhelming moments of thankfulness to hit me. 

My encouragement to anyone, no matter what is happening, no matter how dark the moment, there is always something to be thankful for, it may be something very small-- maybe just the fact there is coffee for the coffee pot, or it could be something very big... but there is ALWAYS something to be thankful for!

Blessings!!

Mary

A.K.A - Prairiemouse 

Childlike Faith

This morning at during worship service at church I observed a small child, just doing what they do. She would leave the security of her parents arms, and bounce and clap with the music, then she would wander, just a bit, look back, and return to that safety spot, close to their side. As parents, we want to see our children gain the boldness and confidence to move out from that tight spot in our arms, or close to our side, knowing that we are there for guidance and comfort when needed. The reason- this is how they grow to eventually become independent adults, and move forth into their own lives.

And as I watched her it got me thinking; I want to be like that, not afraid to step out, yet all the time, knowing that I am safe with in view and reach of my Heavenly Father. God is ever present, His eye is always on His children. When we need Him, all we have to do is to run to Him.

I know, I have those times that that I just want to stay there, in the security of His arms. And when I need this, He is there for that... but He is also there to encourage me to step out, moving into all the things that He has called me to do. 

That is what I am trying to do that with my life, I want to follow His lead and walk the path He has set out for me to walk. I want to do all that He has called me to do, and this means that I will have plenty of moments that I need to step out in Faith, knowing that He is always there for me to run to, because He is close at hand. I want to always keep moving forward, but to do this, I must keep my  heart on Him and my eyes and looking closely at Him.

His grace is so amazing, He sent His Son, Jesus, to give His life for me. Through my act of receiving Jesus as my Lord and Savior, I became a child of God, through the spirit of adoption. And as such I have the full blessings as a member of the family... 

So, I guess what I'm saying is that I want that Childlike Faith, and the confidence that comes with it.

Blessings!

Prairiemouse

A.K.A - Mary

The Trip No One Looks Forward To, But....

When we take a trip, it's something that we usually look forward to, or are at least excited about. Last week, however, I took a trip that no one looks forward to. It's a trip that you may simultaneously want to take and not want to take... but you never look forward to it.

The reason you don't look forward to it, is because it's the journey of the last good-bye.

How do I share all the things going through my heart and head... I knew it was coming, but I kept hoping that it wouldn't. It isn't that I haven't had time to prepare, I have had nearly 10 months, if I am honest with myself.

It was 10 months ago that my stepmom passed away, and at that point my dad felt that his job was complete and he was ready to go, anytime God was ready to take him. I know this, because he told me it at that time. I am the eternal optimist, and I wanted to think he would change his mind and that he would decide to try to gain strength. But at 91 years old he had made up his mind. He wasn't going to do anything to shorten his time, but he wasn't going to try to extend it, even though he knew if he exercised he could get stronger.

Let me share a bit of background--

I love my dad, and he has shared with me many times that he has felt doubly blessed in life. First, he was married to my mom for 40 years... the last 3 were spent watching over her as the demon of Alzheimer's stripped her to a mere shell of the amazing mom that I remember. He did his best to juggle taking care of her and running the small sewing machine store that was to be their retirement business (they had moved from my childhood home to Longview, WA just a few short years before she was diagnosed). Finally the disease had progressed far enough that she had to be moved to a nursing home... During her time there, my dad went and spent time with her everyday. On those rare occasions that he couldn't go, he saw to it that one of their friends could. Yes, he took care to make sure she had someone near that loved her. She went home to the Lord in 1994.

Forward 6 years, he meets Carol, an amazing woman, very different than my mom but such a perfect match for him. She literally saved his life during their courtship period by getting him to the ER where they gave him an IV of Antibiotic... if she hadn't taken him to the ER, then we would have lost him in about 20 years ago... instead, he was blessed with a 2nd marriage to a wonderful lady that I loved very much. We used to tease that it was an "online romance," they had 'met' online, in a Lion's chatroom. Though they did have real-life friends in common. They were married on a January day, and it brought a smile to my heart that my dad had found love again. (I pray that I am so blessed.) I was also blessed with a big sister through this union, and what a blessing she has been!!

During their marriage they traveled and lived, life together, They cared for each other, and when one was ill the other stepped up, including 3 years ago when my dad began to bleed internally and had to be resuscitated. - He woke up and thought, "Why is this guy beating me up?" He recovered from that and got better. When Carol began to grow more frail, I watched my dad, once again go into the mode of protector. He knew that the Lord was keeping him around to take care of her.

Now forward to the present... Once Carol had passed he then felt his job was done. Now he is ready to go, the same thing that almost took him 3 years ago, now has happened again, he is bleeding internally... this time he isn't worried about being here to take care of anyone. His only thought when I spoke to him 10 days ago was to let us know; If any of us wanted to see him, sooner would be better than later. This gave me my directive... make it happen!!

I had been planning on going up at the end of the month, but I then knew I needed to move my trip up sooner, or not be able to say good-bye to my dad. I also then began to do what I could to reach my 4 brothers. At the time of reaching out to everyone, they were spread over 3 states. My dad lives in WA and 2 brothers live in OR as do I, one brother was in AZ and one in AK. But I am so glad to say that they made it, everyone got there to say good-bye and spend some time with him. In addition, 6 of his  grandchildren and 5 of his great-grandchildren made it also. For the first time since the loss of our mother 24 years ago, all 5 of us were in the same place at the same time. My dad was so happy!! 

Even though he was tired during the time we were visiting, he was so happy to see everyone, he shared stories, and got a bit of one-on-one time with everyone. At times he was just simply happy to have everyone there and talking together. It was, a happy, crazy, loud, and sad time... and I wouldn't trade the ability to have that gathering for anything.

Yes, it was the trip that no one looks forward to, but they are happy that they make it. At least I am happy that I did.

I am now calling my dad everyday now, he sounds weaker by the day, and I know that, one day, very soon, he won't be there to answer. Until then, I will look forward to the sound of his voice one more time. 

When it's all over, I will have my memories of him. He was the man that taught me what love and respect were, and showed me the kind of man I wanted to marry, and I did. He demonstrated a life of service that I have tried to show my children. He and my mother, took us to church my whole childhood, a place where I first began to love God. As an adult, I no longer attend that church of my childhood, but church and the Lord are a major part of my life... It is the Lord first and everything else after that.

My parting thought here, you we need show those that you love how much you care when you can. And above all else, if you have a chance to do it... make "That trip."

Blessings!

Prairiemouse....

A.K.A Mary