Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the LORD, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.
I find myself saying this verse a lot lately… My heart is shattered, and it really feels like a physical pain at times, I miss Glenn so much, the dreams we had for the things we wanted to do are now gone, because the “we” part is done… now it is just me, and I have to remember that God does have a plan for me.
What I know at this moment:
- Glenn is with the Lord- no more pain, no more cancer, but worshipping in the court of the Lord. And that makes me smile, even through the tears, I know that his love for God was the single most important thing in his life, and that is something that makes me glad.
- What I also know, is that the cancer that took Glenn did not come from the Lord, because God is NOT the author of sickness and disease.
- Glenn accomplished a lot during the last year of his life, he prayed for others and saw them healed, he taught the word of God and never quit believing it. He walked what he believed.
I have no clue what my future looks like at this moment, other that it includes the Lord, my family, and my church family. I am simply taking things one day at a time. Quite honestly, some days are better than others—Some are okay, minimal tear jags, others… well, let’s just say I release more, I know I need to do this. I don’t know how long this will go on with such intensity; I just know that, eventually it will get better. I trust in God that He will get me through this period and show me what He has for me, He will turn the page into the new chapter He is writing for the book of my life.
The questions in my mind are beyond number, as I’m sure they are for anyone going through something like this. Will I ever get the answers? To some yes, the ones like work and finances, direction of ministry… yes, those I will get. But to others- Particularly the “why” questions… not likely, and I am coming to terms with that- God is sovereign, He does love me and I can trust in Him.
My faith has grown this last year, and as I continue forward, it will continue to grow as I learn even more how to trust Him for provision. It’s not that I haven’t done that before, it’s just simply in the past the human side was “we can figure this out.” Well now I know in a bigger way that I can’t do it on my own, I must have a listening ear for His direction and then the courage to step out to what He calls me to do.
So yes, I will press through the pain and into the future… be patient, God isn’t finished with me yet!